Boundaries, not barriers.
When we think of boundaries, we often think of the physical — respecting personal space, choosing who enters our home, or deciding what we will and won’t do. But boundaries can be energetic too. Often these energetic boundaries are what need to be reinforced more than anything to ensure we’re not overcome by barriers that block our ability to respond and enjoy life.
What is an energetic boundary? Energetic boundaries relate to what we can’t see. Things like feelings or sensations in our bodies. Setting an energetic boundary can be as simple as staying aware and observant when we watch the news to ensure we don’t take on the stress of worldly events outside our control. It can be supporting ourselves to not take feedback personally or negatively when a colleague appears to be angry. When we’re able to set energetic boundaries the world becomes less overwhelming and we’re better able to navigate our way through life with confidence and ease.
Why is it so hard to set energetic boundaries when it seems so simple? Life is full of distractions and demands constantly competing for our attention. This builds pressure and takes our focus outside of ourselves. When we feel under pressure and distracted it becomes hard to stay connected with ourselves as our attention is placed elsewhere. When you’re not with yourself, it becomes very difficult to have any awareness of, or sensitivity toward, what may be affecting us. When this happens it becomes very difficult to enforce a boundary as we have no foundation from which to set it.
I know this is important but where do I start? Setting boundaries all starts with you and prioritising how you feel. Developing a quality of non-reactive presence begins with applying consistent self-care practices. By applying 101 self care strategies and supportive daily rituals you will build a foundation of settlement and presence within. From this marker of what feels good you will be better placed to determine what does and does not belong. If your body is a mess with stress and fatigue, the gates are open for whatever to walk in. But if your body and beingness are deeply cared for then you have a marker to more easily notice what does not belong.
I worked with a client to develop his deeper felt sense of self. He used the term “meteors” to describe the unwanted consequences that would arise from his wayward behaviour due to overwhelm. By building a reflective practice to develop his awareness and applying self care 101’s that supported him to feel more connected to his body; he was able to lesson the frequency and impact of “meteors” in his day to day life. He is now much more stable and capable to respond to life in a less anxious and chaotic way.
Here are some useful practices you can apply to start supporting yourself to set better energetic boundaries.
1. Body Scan / Relaxation
Next time you’re feeling overwhelmed try this simple Seated Body Scan Meditation.
Find yourself a comfortable and supportive seat. Bring your attention to any sensations in your feet and slowly work upwards to the crown of your head. There is no right or wrong here, you are simply going inward to feel what sensations are present in the body. Body connection as a lived practice can support us to feel more grounded and capable to deal with life.
2. Check In with Your Breath
The next time you find yourself waiting in the car, sitting at your desk, or simply having a spare moment, notice your breath.
There is nothing to change here — just observe.
Notice: Is your breathing deep or shallow? Fast or slow? Is there space between breaths? Does the breath travel into the base of your lungs? Can you feel the gentleness of your ribs move with the breath? How does your stomach feel? Can it relax and receive the breath?
The aim is awareness, not control.
Once you bring attention to your breath you may notice it change. Observe any changes without judgement.
3. Limit the Distractions You Can Control
Not all distractions are external — some we willingly invite in.
Try occasionally removing background noise.
• Go for a walk and notice your footsteps or the surrounding sounds instead of listening to music or a podcast.
• Prepare a meal without television or music playing paying attention to what you are actually doing.
By bring your attention fully to what you are doing you are able to receive how it supports and nourishes you. This attentiveness to the present moment supports you to always be with yourself, which builds confidence and capability. As your foundation of self care strengthens so to will your ability to remain settled, even when life around you feels overwhelming.
